This whole summer, particularly this month has been filled with filling out applications and going on interviews. The interviews have been a blessing, but the rejections have been eye-openers. The rejections have led to me to ask God constantly, “so what do you want me to do again?” Surprisingly, the rejections have not put me in a low state…I mean I do have my moments but they don’t last for days. I’ll speak or cry out my frustrations, then within an hour or so move on to the next application… or wait till the next day…. or next week…Which is exactly what I did the week before my trip to San Diego. On that Monday, a few days before I went on my trip, I had an interview at a school that I really wanted…. well, actually I had two interviews with the same school I really wanted on the same day to first meet with the Fine Arts coordinator and then a second interview with the principal. I felt good about it and was hoping to get a call right before I left for my trip that Thursday, so I could enjoy my trip and be at ease…. but my wishes were not met and had to go on my trip with uncertainty.
I had planned on working my teacher modules and fill out job applications while I was on my trip just to stay afloat and be ready for whatever came my way when I came back… but that didn’t happen… in fact, I didn’t think about anything while I was away. My days were spent on three different beaches, taking a morning hike along the mountain landscape, and feeling the cool breeze while relaxing in an outdoor hot tub. I got sucked into that Cali vibe all the way! I didn’t have a set plan or anything…I was flexible… I was calm…I was at peace… I was on some type of high that lasted the entire the trip. I thanked God under my breath at every minute …I thanked Him for the beach, the deep sleep, the food, the funds to get away… Everything!!! I was okay when I was away. The interviews, the applications, the emails that I needed to send… the emails and calls I was trying to avoid were all a distant memory.
On the last full day of the trip, I went to my friend’s church, EastLake. The church reminded me of the church I go here in Houston, Hope City. It had that same laid-back vibe and ambiance. The service opened up with praise and worship and the groups of singers were young and sang songs that I hear of KSBJ… “Ever Be” was one of them… I love that song. The familiarity of it all brought on more peace within me. As I sang the best I could… I’m not the best singer. I think I’m an Alto but can’t always hit those low notes… I dip into soprano at times… or whatever… I had stopped singing when one of the singers took over one of the songs. I can’t recall the name of the song but it was a beautiful song partly due to the fact the singer had an amazing voice… along the lines of Fiona Apple and Adele…deep, raspy, and soulful and yes, she was white. Anyways, not only did her voice get my attention but her shirt got my attention. It read, in gold letters: “Light and Salt.” The scripture came to my mind… I loosely remembered the verse… you are the salt of the earth, the light to the world… let your light shine… I held on to that message.
The next day I went back to work, teaching art, and somehow held on to my Cali state of mind. Throughout the day nothing bothered me. I hadn’t heard from that school I really wanted but did get an email from another school for an interview. I was cool with it. I was so chill that day, even when I got my favorite Mexican shirt dirty, I didn’t react I simply washed it out with soap and water at the classroom sink, taking my time while a group of students waited for me to be done. I didn’t care…I got through the day and had decided to head home after work to rest for a bit and then headed to the gym to take a class…. I was fine… Feeling good…
Well, sad to say that “feeling good” thing didn’t last long… the next day, the day of that other interview something hit…. this something hit after the interview, Thank God… it was the realization that I had no idea what was happening. Right now every day seems like a surprise… which can be cool … but my controlling side is not too keen with that. Every day I am doing what I can and waiting on God to His thing. I try something and then ask for His direction… I go with what LITTLE details He gives me. My dreams give me little vignettes, clues of what is ahead…and I keep seeing the numbers: 11, 22, 33, 44…333…4444…777…. lots of 7s and 4s. I googled this phenomenon and it all points to being on the right track and God, Jesus, and the angels support and are providing guidance. Well, the numbers do give me that extra encouragement but this uncertainty has got me…well it’s got me calling on God more often… I feel like my last entry was about this. A daily call for assistance… daily bread…
A close friend of mind told me that I am officially a month old of 33 years old… my resurrection year… a call to His will as come to the forefront … and I’m a little nervous but excited at the same time…kind of.
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.