Holiday Disconnect

To keep the bad things away

So, I have decided to disconnect from social media for a while, at least during the holidays.  I’ll use it for my side hustle, teaching gym classes but I think my consistent strolling/ trolling through random accounts needs to cease.  It takes up quite a bit of time that could be used for creative purposes.  I have done this big disconnect before and it was like I was free… it was weird but I wasn’t bogged down by comparison and just lived my life.  It was a nice feeling.  Also, I was able to receive spiritual guidance more clearly.  I was able to make connections and gain revelation.  I was more focused on what was at hand, my circumstances and how to handle them.  Not that I’m a total mess when I am on social media, but I do tend to get clouded with confusion and doubt.

As a middle school teacher, I have noticed how social media can have an effect on children.  I never met so many insecure, anxious, depressed, confused demographic in my life… I have worked with high school and elementary, yet middle school is a totally different breed.  They are sneaky and manipulative, but sweet and full of compassion.  Some share there deepest thoughts with you and then others can’t say a word to you.  There is no common ground, the whole age group is hard to define.  I’m still amazed at how I can interact with them and get through to them.  So aside from their natural instinct to be hard to deal with, social media doesn’t make it any easier.  Likes, Stories, snap chat all do something to these preteens that I don’t remember going through when I was their age.  Yes, I was uncomfortable in my own skin, went through multiple friend groups, and was made fun, of and had my bouts with insecurities and still do now.  Yet, these kids today are on a totally new level, They are acting out their confusion, acting out their insecurities, acting out their anger in very non-constructive ways.  I try to find a level ground, of being a mentor and teacher, not a friend.  I have learned to create boundaries, and not give in too much because I’m not a licensed counselor, and there’s only so much I can do.  I am pretty strict as a teacher, there are rules in my classroom. I’ve learned to also ignore certain behaviors because really the student only wants attention because he/ she is not getting any at home… let me emphasize the behaviors I ignore are the bad behaviors.  Anyway, I could go on for days on the woes of middle school, but I have learned that these kids today, their confusion, insecurities have been heightened by social media.  There have been so many suicides, school shootings, fights that I had never witnessed when I was their age.  All seem to stem from social media, this need to promote self and this need to belong… this need to be feel valued.

My social media disconnect stemmed from obsessing over a boy.  Yes, my middle school mentality got the best of me.  I started to realize my light was getting dimmed every time I interacted with him. It is the start of our holiday breaks from school, and yesterday I realized after my morning chiropractor appointment, best friend from high school meet-up, yoga class, and talk with my spiritual mentor.. somethings not right with this “friendship.” Friends are there to encourage you, check in with you, this is all reciprocated on the same level of enthusiasm and love…there is no second-guessing their love for you.  I realized this friendship had come to nothing.  What was there is no longer there.  I was trying to force something that had run its course.  I was fighting for this friendship alone.   I was in this friendship alone.  Now, this is not my first rodeo.  I have been here before.   I could barely get out of bed.  My little sister had to drag me to church. And when I could finally get myself to attend service on my own… I broke down in tears, and stranger reached out to hug me. It was pitiful.  I didn’t want to let go but I knew I had to. That was years ago, much more stable now. Same situation, I don’t want to let go but I know I need to, yet this time around I actually have this newfound freedom.  A weight lifted. A knowing that I did all I could do… God will do the rest.  The big disconnect will only heighten my need to come back to myself.  The self God intended me to be.  To give out my energy to those that receive it with open arms. I wish him all the best, but I don’t want my light dimmed anymore, I want to create, accomplish all God has intended for me, and my light must shine…. even if I have to let go and Let God.

2020, is the year of vision.  I want to let go of anything that may hinder a clear vision from God.  I need HIS guidance in this exciting new year… I have actually received part of the vision… just waiting on Him.. or maybe it was actually Him waiting for me.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.   

2 Corinthians 5:17

 

 

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