The letting go of self then leads you to be led. You no longer have a 3 or 5 year plan, rather each day is being orchestrated to your needs. These needs exceed your selfish desires to attain status and/or money but the ultimate need of refinement becomes the top priority. In this trek to refinement, I had to let go of a lot of things that were comfortable to me. This included some friends, places, activities… and move towards people, places and activities that caused growth from within. This change was abrupt too! I would have a inkling, feel a push to go in a certain direction and then do it, not really knowing where it would take me. I simply went with the flow.
In this flow. I was alone for awhile, leaving behind some social circles, not knowing why. I prayed, asking God, “why do I have to be alone?” only to receive the answer, “because it’s the only way.” I proceeded to follow through not knowing what was really happening to me. Yet, I knew I was changing or rather becoming or rather going back ….to me. (I must reiterate again not the me I created but the me I was created to be.) God had this plan for me and somehow on the course I got distracted or stepped away from Him, or maybe lost faith in Him and decided to do my own thing.
The prodigal son comes to mind. My dad even called me that when I returned home from NY. I was offended because I didn’t think I had become this ungrateful daughter running away from my family. Yet before I left for NY (actually way before the move) my mind was made up that I knew exactly how to attain happiness, peace and success and it was not at home, so I left. Don’t get me wrong I got a great education and had a great job….but I don’t think that’s how God intended me to go at it. I felt this immense amount of heaviness…literally! I could feel my body slowing down. I was working hard but not producing any fruit.
So, yes I am the prodigal son. On my knees begging for mercy and willing to do it another way. Not my will be done.