Since this move towards God, I feel like I have been called to hiding. I don’t have huge roles on well-known stages nor in the works to have anything published or seen by the masses. I am strictly doing kingdom work right now. This type of work starts with molding the inner being. To build the inner being successfully it must in service. So, yes I am in the background…in the wings…the waiting room? I have come to the realization that the ego must rest, with the intention to disappear in its entirety.
“When He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.” —The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
While in hiding, I do tend to get distracted. Social Media does not help much in staying on course. They were many moments when I resided to fast from facebook (the only social media I take part in) to dismiss comparisons made from others’ profiles, but then ask my sister about certain individuals. I would catch myself when I would do this, knowing I should not even bother. So, I started to occupy my time….not in full on busyness but moved towards activities that brought me peace. I started reading spiritual texts (ie. The Bible) , writing, working out, and working with children. I started to cultivate my own interests. I was no longer looking to others to show me or inspire me… I was moving along on my own.
As I stayed on course, I was no longer in solitude, people started to appear on my path. Some were new and some were from my past. They understood me and were headed in the same direction as I was, as I am.