The Heat

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So I made the decision to be saved.  A full-fledged Christian.  I have acknowledged my mistakes, let go some things in my life, and  even got baptized.  Funny, but I had never understood why adults got baptized.  I mean you got it when you are baby so you’re good… right?  Hmmmmm….now I get it.

The thought of getting baptized again was always in the back of mind, especially when I started to cut away from some things and started to read the bible.  It seemed like the next step to initiate this new way of living. I have to admit I was little scared.  The whole idea of walking down an aisle while people stared at you and you saying to the world, “I messed up,” was a little too much.  I was cool with just telling God my mistakes in my silent prayers and then living my life as before.  Yet, it would not go away.   That feeling to get baptized stayed with me. The act of a cleansing had to be done.  As you can already guess, I did not get baptized by myself.  I mean I was dunked into the water by myself, but the night I decided was the same night a friend of mine decided, so we walked down the aisle together.  Thank God!

So yes, I’m saved! I am saved.  I actually thought things were going to be a lot easier.  I am walking the path that He wants me walk, I am following through… so why is it so challenging?   I am put in these situations that make me want to scream!  I get so frustrated and wonder where God is while I am suffering through all of this.  I pray to be neutral… not wanting to be in the heat.   Will I stick with His plan or will I go back to the familiar?  I also have these crazy dreams that are so vivid and seem real but somehow I know there are only illusions to get me off track.  And then I have these dreams that hold messages from up above that place peace within me.  I am secure and protected…He reminds me.

Pastor John Gray mentioned that there is a difference from being saved and being a Christian.  When you are saved you have  acknowledged  that you need God, but when you become a Christian you experience the process, the heat, to be spiritually mature.  The heat may come from job/ living conditions, relationships, and even in finances.  The challenges faced are simply tests to see how far you have become.  The same tests can reappear again and again until passed… to progress onto graduation, your promised land.

Well, I hope after three and half years I am near graduation.

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