The Heat


So I made the decision to be saved.  A full-fledged Christian.  I have acknowledged my mistakes, let go some things in my life, and  even got baptized.  Funny, but I had never understood why adults got baptized.  I mean you got it when you are baby so you’re good… right?  Hmmmmm….now I get it.

The thought of getting baptized again was always in the back of mind, especially when I started to cut away from some things and started to read the bible.  It seemed like the next step to initiate this new way of living. I have to admit I was little scared.  The whole idea of walking down an aisle while people stared at you and you saying to the world, “I messed up,” was a little too much.  I was cool with just telling God my mistakes in my silent prayers and then living my life as before.  Yet, it would not go away.   That feeling to get baptized stayed with me. The act of a cleansing had to be done.  As you can already guess, I did not get baptized by myself.  I mean I was dunked into the water by myself, but the night I decided was the same night a friend of mine decided, so we walked down the aisle together.  Thank God!

So yes, I’m saved! I am saved.  I actually thought things were going to be a lot easier.  I am walking the path that He wants me walk, I am following through… so why is it so challenging?   I am put in these situations that make me want to scream!  I get so frustrated and wonder where God is while I am suffering through all of this.  I pray to be neutral… not wanting to be in the heat.   Will I stick with His plan or will I go back to the familiar?  I also have these crazy dreams that are so vivid and seem real but somehow I know there are only illusions to get me off track.  And then I have these dreams that hold messages from up above that place peace within me.  I am secure and protected…He reminds me.

Pastor John Gray mentioned that there is a difference from being saved and being a Christian.  When you are saved you have  acknowledged  that you need God, but when you become a Christian you experience the process, the heat, to be spiritually mature.  The heat may come from job/ living conditions, relationships, and even in finances.  The challenges faced are simply tests to see how far you have become.  The same tests can reappear again and again until passed… to progress onto graduation, your promised land.

Well, I hope after three and half years I am near graduation.


When I hear the word Revelations I automatically think of Alvin Ailey and the infamous pic of the company in a huddle with their winged arms.  I, along with my mom and sister, always make it a point to see the dance company when they are in town.  It is an outing the three of us rarely miss.  Dinner before the show and then head to the theater, way before the doors open and linger in the lobby area.  We are excited, anticpating the whole experience.  We people watch and skim through the merchandise until, at last, we are ushered to our seats.  Revelations is usually done at the end of the performance.  I guess an incentive to stay for the entire performace… no, not really but it is the reason why so many flock to see the dance company.  Save the best for last.

Revelations. A direct call from God. (I’m sure Mr. Ailey recieved a direct call from God in creating such a spiritual piece.) A vision of what is to come through His eyes.  A prompt to do something that is within His will.  I remember months before I made changes in social circles, I had a dream in which I was with them and it was night time.  We were outisde, no street lights on, just darkness.  Then we headed indoors, into someone’s apartment and still there was darkness. (Sounds like the book of Genesis ; ))  The lights were off and I could barely see.  “Could someone put on the light,” I said out loud or maybe to myself.  Then all of sudden I was by myself in this new place.  Light was all around me.  It was a sunny, bright day.  I was in a city, a new city.  I was suspended in the air, lifted up and a butterfly landed on my finger.  Now, it was pretty obvious that it was time to be on my own.

The darkness I left was my own darkness, in a sense.  If I were to stay within that same circle of people I would not experience true freedom.  I would not have attained that next level of development.  My gifts would not expand.  Simply put, I would not grow.  Growth requires change.  One cannot grow within the familiar.  There has to be a new role to take on in a new environment to ensure the expansion of gifts.

I have to keep in mind when revelations are presented, they are the end result.  The prompts, leadings to make certain changes will lead to this outcome.  I had known way before that I needed to move on, the dream only confirmed my intuition.

I remember another dream I had when I was in high school.  I was walking on a college campus, at least it seemed like a college campus because I was surrounded by young people. They were all walking somewhere, looking angry and there was this gloomy feel in the air.  There was a skin head, a girl that hated her own identity… this particular girl looked at me with such anger and said, “You just don’t understand,”  I then told her, “I struggled too.” Then all of sudden, light came through my hands, a very strong light, looked like rays of sunshine.  The light was a strong force, I could feel it in my arms, it took quite a bit of strength to hold my arms up.  Then I fell into someone’s arms (I’m thinking Jesus) and opened my eyes, they were filled with tears, and saw nothing but light, smiling faces, a rainbow, even.

So I guess, somehow I will bring light to the world….but first I must live in the light…