This past week I had to go with faith in the career arena.  So for awhile now…like for the past five years, God has been leading me to California.  I received this revelation my last year of living in New York, and since then been getting signs of confirmation that this was where I was meant to be. It became quite obvious when I signed with a LA talent management company this past January.  I went to LA to sign the contract, met the CEO and got some new headshots.  Throughout the year, I kept in contact with them and was given a few auditions here and there.  As the months went by, it was suggested I do a showcase in July with other clients of the management to meet agents in Los Angeles.  In March, I decided to do it… not really giving it much thought though… it seemed too far away to really stress over or even think about.  By the time the school year ended, I was asked to teach creative movement classes at my old childhood school during the summer… a hint that I’m still in the process of coming home.

After doing some research, I created a 10 week lesson plan for the creative movement class.  The first couple weeks dealt with using the body to express certain emotions and incorporating levels, shapes and paths which then led to learning choreography.  In the beginning I was really tied to the lesson plan and the activities I attained from my research, but as I got more comfortable I started to add in some other ideas that popped in my head… all within the lesson at hand, of course.  It started to feel like second nature and the positive feedback only motivated me to keep at it.  On the last week of classes they performed the pieces I taught them over the summer… they were 32 count combinations… short and sweet.  I was really impressed because a bulk of them actually remembered them and were counting to the music… even quite a few boys! Some even told me they practiced at home…. really?!  Mind you I didn’t plan this grand performance at the end with strict rehearsals leading up to it, so the initiative to practice at home was really nice to hear. Time flew by pretty fast, so fast I had no time to really breathe in what transpired over the summer with the children.  So, on the last day of classes I had asked one of my classes, (in the picture above) what they learned.  We sat down in a circle, which was how I always started and ended my classes, and one by one they shared their responses.  When they shared they really thought about their answers, some even paused a bit to get their words together.   Their answers varied from learning to dance better to being able to count to the music and create their own dance pieces… all the answers a veteran dance teacher would expect, but to a newbie like me….well, I was moved to tears.

So rewind to about two weeks before the creative movement classes end… and my teary-eyed scene in front of the children… I attend this showcase in LA.  Deep down I am dreading it…not because I am nervous but because I really don’t care. So, I arrive at the hotel and at the very same time the hotel is hosting the Special Olympics.  You have people from all over the world working the event, going to seminars, wearing their badges, speaking different languages… and then you have actors/ models, along with their stage moms and entourage on the same floor.  The first thing that comes out of my mouth, “I wish I was with them.”… the Special Olympics crew.  It was clear to me that God was trying to show me something… but I was confused.  Wasn’t this thing that you opened up for me? Wasn’t this the thing you wanted me to do?

When I came home from LA, I was little discouraged…I thought this was my open door to my destiny but it just didn’t feel right.  I went back to teaching dance and tried to let go of the whole trip…just focus on what was happening in Houston… teaching dance and writing…but then the management contacted me for an audition.  It was given to me on a Wednesday and the deadline was that Friday.  I looked at the email quite a few times and thought about doing it but didn’t want to.  Yet, on Friday I got a call from the management in reference to the audition… I respond by email.  I told them to book me out since it was already the deadline… but then I didn’t want to seem lazy so I offered to work on it over weekend.  They agreed and gave me an extension.  I did the audition…a commercial for a cell phone and received feedback the next day or so.  The client said I was too serious for the cell phone commercial.  In the past, I would have been really upset about this feedback but at the time I really didn’t care because honestly what kind of impact would I have promoting a cell phone… I found greater purpose in teaching and writing.  The feedback only fueled my courage to express myself honestly to the management:

Thank you for keeping me in the know of everything. I have to admit my drive to solely focus on acting has diminished a bit for awhile. I have been working with special needs children in the arts for the past few years and been honing into my writing, which has now cultivated into a ministry. I feel like my purpose may lie outside of acting for now and would understand if you need to drop me. You deserve a client that is truly dedicated to the craft and I am not too sure If I can do that right now.

After sending off the email there was sense of release and the knowing that I did the right thing….a knowing that God has something else in store for me.  Funny, that morning, before I was going to write that email, I ran across a sermon by pastor John Gray.  He mentioned that this was the season that all was going to come together and God was about collide you into the thing you were created to be.  “That thing you thought was thing is not going to work…The Lord knew what the enemy was going to attack so He made the thing look like the promise ….God is about to crash you into The Promise.”

So I sent off the email and I have this nice, peaceful feeling inside… but still uncertain on what to do next…

I have so much more to say, but you cannot absorb it right now.  The Spirit of truth will come and guide you in all truth. He will not speak His own words to you; He will speak what He hears, revealing to you the things to come and bringing glory to Me. The Spirit has unlimited access to Me, to all that I possess and know, just as everything the Father has is Mine. That is the reason I am confident He will care for My own and reveal the path to you.

John 16:12-15 (VOICE)

I am starting to realize a pattern… when something good is coming, the enemy will try to attack… in my case I get theses weird dreams.  Dreams that bring back people from the past that may have caused me hurt… fictional scenarios that try to scare me or get me weirded out.  In the past, I would wake up terrified… not wanting to go back to sleep…and I would not let the dream go… I would think about it throughout the day… causing fear to fill every nook of my mind.  I worried a lot because of the dreams I had and wondered why this was happening to me… I did everything right.  I went to school, got good grades, didn’t get in trouble with the law… I went to church (because I am a sinner)… I worked with children… I even got baptized again…why was I being attacked like this…

On the outside, I have a pretty good life.  I don’t have any traumatic stories that have left emotional scars… both of my parents are married.. I have an amazing family..two older brothers and a little sister… we encourage each other… even my parents encouraged my love for the Arts….My dad created my middle school schedule in which he added creative writing and journalism and my mom always rushed me and my sister to Broadway and dance shows…. along with dance lessons up until high school.  So all is well in my life… yet the spiritual realm took some time to settle down.  I have always had these dreams.. premonitions as long as I can remember.  Dreams not just about myself but about other people… mainly as a guide to help them along their way.  I have beautiful dreams in which seem surreal… an oasis… light… golden hues, huge, calming waves, big gold coins…. a white beach (this was actually in a recent dream I had.)  So with these amazing dreams pops in these dreams that just don’t belong.  I’ll take a nap… BOOM… a messed up dream! Now, in the past I would call a close friend or wake up and watch TV… but lately I have been so bold to stay in the dream and see where it goes… I am curious to see how far the enemy will try to drum up fear.  While in the dream I start to pinpoint lies… and even shake my head (smh) “Really?”  When I do chose to wake up, I pray and rebuke everything that came at me in that dream …. as to say, “Bring It.”

I am quite positive that my single-hood is causing me to face these attacks on my own… not clinging to someone to ease my fear but actually calling on God and no one else. Prayers in which I am speaking out loud and demanding God to come through and even confronting the enemy to leave… knowing he has no power in my life.  These strong prayers have constructed a firm spiritual foundation in Him.  Believe me I had never known about this… good vs. bad.  I have always believed in angels but demons lurking the Earth seemed a bit farfetched… but when I actually felt the heaviness at one point in my life I knew it was real.  The darkness seemed to follow me… people would open up to me and speak of their own worries, fears… the whole victim mentality became a constant theme to my ears.  I would be open to listening… I had no boundaries… I wanted to help but I soon realized that I had to deal with my own darkness before true light could penetrate through to heal.

This darkness I once had clouded His vision for my life.  I was left confused and anxious and not sure where this came from.  I came home to figure this all out.  I came home physically and spiritually.  This darkness was a generation curse that breathed upon me and it was never healed.  In coming home it was as if I was called to bring it to an end.  My dreams and visions led me to move back home, be with my family, and to pray fervently…to resurface and to clean up… a spiritual detox needed to take place.  In this process, clarity on its origin and signs of it coming undone have been revealed…along with shaping my character to receive the blessings graciously He has stored up for me when the work/ process is complete… when all is healed, so nothing will be damaged or undone.  All in His perfect form…all in His perfect timing.

Though I walk in the midst of dangers,
    you guard my life when my enemies rage.
You stretch out your hand;
    your right hand saves me.
 The Lord is with me to the end.
    Lord, your mercy endures forever.
    Never forsake the work of your hands!

Psalm 138:7-8