I decided to write out goals for each month.  I did one for July and for August so far.  I plan to do one each month. But as we are nearing the end of the month, I got a bit side-tracked and forgot about one of the goals for this month, to write an entry in my blog.  I have decided to make it a goal every month because last year, and the few years before, I kind of fell off.  I would only write when I felt like it.  I didn’t create the discipline to make time to write.  I had made time to get a pedicure, 5am workouts, and even time to scroll social media, but never made time to hone into something that I felt called to do.  Spending my money on training shoes with no hesitation, but then felt the need to second guess spending money on writing workshops.  Quick to emerge myself in retail therapy instead releasing my deep thoughts on paper, or in this case a screen.  I avoided the very act that gave me solace and peace.  Why?

So I became aware of this over the summer which pushed me to create the goal to write an entry every month, and top of that submit my play.   Summer vacation, along with this pandemic, has caused me to really do some inventory. What am I called to do? What do I do next?  I am hoping in writing more clarity will start to spring up because although I am not too sure where this is leading, this push to write more, but I do know it will lead something new.  I have been feeling the desire to do something else, to change up my environment because things are starting to feel complacent.  My whole routine is getting old and I’m itching to go elsewhere.  I just want something new.  Something else.

I have never seen myself as a “stay in one spot for 8 hours” person.  When I lived in New York I worked at a children museum, nanny for a few families and had some acting gigs.  A freelance contractor.  It was fun and freeing at the time, but as I am writing this I am realizing I was in my early twenties and wasn’t ready to be tied down to anything.  So yeah, at the time it was AMAZING!  But, I am now not in my early twenties and want more security.  A few years was fun and living in New York was… well, I have no regrets, but what led me to leave The Big City was a yearning to be still.  I wanted stability, I didn’t want to grind anymore.  I wanted to take vacations without feeling the need to cut them short because if I wasn’t working, no money was coming in. I had to stay working to make sure everything was paid for.  I needed to work to build something for myself.  Although it was freeing, I felt trapped.

Right now, I just want something different.  I want a change.  If that means going in a different industry I am open to it. I want to create projects that are lucrative, but I don’t want to be stuck in a place for most of the day either.  I want something that offers security, but gives me freedom. I have faith. God will show me… I feel the tug to go elsewhere.  I’ll wait for the next steps.

 

The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.