Right before the blessing comes the battle.
I feel like my dreams have been very vivid and chaotic lately. Chaotic as in there’s too much going on. Scenarios with too many people with too much conflict. The scenes overlap with another, too. It goes from one problem to the next, and the problems don’t even belong in the right environment. For example, in one dream teacher at school wouldn’t let me teach my gym kickboxing class because he needed to keep the students in his classroom. I was a bit frustrated because I enjoy teaching kickboxing and he wouldn’t let me…. and let me clarify, I like teaching kickboxing at the gym, not at school. The gym and school are two separate worlds, and I like it like that. In dealing with this particular teacher in my dream, anger and frustration started to stir up within me. A tactic to get me to lose my peace… my patience.
In my last entry, I mentioned I felt a newness on the horizon. A knowing that a nice change is coming. I am holding on to this. I can’t let these dreams get to me. I still wake up at 4 am and read a chapter from the bible, and head to the gym. These two activities keep me on the “up and up” and give me peace of mind. The dreams haven’t been every night but every now and then they come up. In the past, dreams like that would’ve paralyzed me. I would stay in bed or hold on to that “chaotic” dream throughout the day allowing it to absorb all of my thoughts and put me in a very low, depressive state. I would call a close friend or cry it out and muster up some strength to talk to God. “Why can’t I be neutral?” “Why am I constantly being attacked?” “What did I do?” “How do I stop this?” I didn’t understand why I kept getting hit so hard when I felt like I didn’t deserve it.
It was like I was in a boxing ring. It kept happening over and over again. Yet, somehow in the hits, I kept getting back up. Images in my dreams conjured up confusion, anger, and sadness inside me and they made no sense. After a while, something within me clicked. This is all an illusion. This is all a lie. This mindset pushed me to get up every time I got knocked down with more momentum. Each time I got up, I became more… powerful. The constant attacks made me stronger. With each hit, I had to get right back up. Before it would take a few days to get my confidence back up, but now… well it doesn’t keep me down. I mentally jab, hook, slip, and kick and keep it moving. I see the enemy’s tactics clearly now. I see now the enemy creates false scenarios in order to delay my blessing, it worked in the past so it should work now… yet, the enemy doesn’t quite understand that I have gained knowledge in how to fight without even making a fist. When these dreams happen, I only observe and take notes. I don’t immerse myself with emotions but only say to myself, “This is not real.”
So now, after some experience of being knocked down and getting back up again… and taking notes on some sermons… IT WON’T STOP! There is a constant battle for your soul. The enemy will continue to use tactics to steal your peace, steal your joy, but the key to winning to is keep in mind: You have already won. You have to be confident…have faith! You must only maintain your relationship with Christ, and hold on to the promises that He laid before you. God also speaks in dreams. Hold on to those dreams and know that they will come to pass. Maintain inner peace and grasp pure joy, which is thanksgiving and praise to God.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 MSG