I have decided to hunker down and change my focus. I need to come back to where I left. My routine of gym, work, and sometimes gym again has been missing something. I look forward to going to bed early so I can get up at 4 am and do my cardio, leg day, and/ or upper body routine. I come home and get ready for the next day, preparing my lunch of clean food, gym and work picked out for the next day. I am constantly preparing, moving… but still stagnant.
I do pray but it’s usually in the steam room, after my workout, within a small time so I have enough time to shower and head to work and get there at a certain time. Or I sneak in prayer right before bed but I end up falling asleep. I am not a total heathen, though. I listen to sermons every morning while working out. TD Jakes, Steven Furtick, and John Gray are my go to’s. And on my way to my early morning workouts I am listening to KSBJ or Air One, to set the tone for the day… so I am in the mode of acknowledging God, but something is still missing.
Actually, one of TD Jakes sermons prompted me to write this entry: The Turning Point. It was this past Sunday’s sermon. I didn’t get to it Sunday, because I taught my gym class that morning, and spent most of the day grocery shopping and doing meal prep. By the time I was done with everything I was ready to decompress and watch a Christmas movie, “Godmothered”. It was a wholesome movie but not very spiritual. So I spent my Sunday focused on the gym and preparation for the following day. Even on Sunday, I was caught up in my own business.
So there’s my dilemma. I need to create an intimate time with Him. I need to sit still and just pray. I need to sit still and breathe. I need to acknowledge His presence.
Now, I need to take action steps and create a solution. First things first, decrease my time on social media. I know my weakness: Comparison. I can spend hours on Instagram…hours and hours! I get caught up in seeing what others are doing, looking at what they have… and something within just gets a little down. I get frustrated about my current situation and see what I don’t have and start to act a certain way. I may take it out on my family or just have this feeling of… just a negative mindset. I am not content with my current situation. I have to admit sometimes that’s my reason for not praying, talking to God but I don’t want to talk about what I really want transpire… kind of like I’m in denial. If I just avoid the whole conversation, then it won’t be a problem… but that doesn’t seem too healthy…
Next, I need to create a time every day, the same time every day in which I just sit in prayer, meditation. I may have to do it at night time, 9:30 or 10 pm. 30 minutes. I should start tonight… I will start tonight.
And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”
Luke 2:49 NKJV