I know I mentioned in my last post that I have such clarity and clear direction… yes, in this moment I do understand the task at hand is to teach dance, but this is a temporary gig… I can’t but ask what’s next? I enjoy this new opportunity but deep down feel there is something else in store for me… still in the process…still in hiding…not quite ready to be in the world on a larger platform. I am content with this, knowing that I don’t want to be out there in the world mis-representing my true identity or falling into the wrong influence and hurting myself and others by being caught up in the wrong agenda.
So, like a month ago, there has been this subtle push to pray stronger…to write it down, speak it out loud and hold on to it. Keep it until it happens…and have faith that the request is already present.
After reading the book, Fervent by Priscilla Shirer and seeing the movie War Room.. I have decided to create my own war room…a prayer room in my closet. I actually did it this morning… which is not really when I sought out to do it… I was supposed to do this a month ago but I kept pushing it back. Events kept popping up or I would be too sleepy to pray, much less set up a war room… but today I woke up… after breakfast and running some morning errands I came home and opened my closet. I cleared out the floor, grabbed a few spiritual books, my journal, markers, and some notebook paper. At first, I kept the door open… having the natural light come in from the windows in my room… then as I started writing and drawing pictures..I decided to close the door. It was all so therapeutic… the coloring and writing calmed me. I then pieced it all together… arranging family requests together, then career, emotional, etc. The end result was a collage of child-like drawings and prayers. It was definitely an awakening of that little girl deep within me … a little girl that needs help from her father. I became her again… maybe this closet will keep me in my place… to have humility in knowing that it is not I that bring on huge, miraculous blessings but my father in heaven that makes it all happen…. my control issues need to be left at the door… the closet door.
I have decided to do this challenge… The War Room Challenge. I will utilize this sacred place morning and night. Read aloud every word and mediate on the pictures drawn. I will have faith that all will transpire in God’s timing and in His way because He has revealed to me that these are His promises from my life. I will hold on to these promises and know that they already belong to me. I will have faith.
Fast Forward…It’s been almost a week now and for the most part I’ve been true to the challenge. These past few days I was in the war room once… in the mornings. In the mornings I am more ready to reflect and read each prayer, whereas in the evenings I am content with saying my short prayers in bed… which isn’t bad but I would like to really use the space…. The Challenge!
Any Changes? Well, I am more at peace in the areas I am concerned about… and my instinct to compare to others has calmed down a bit… the prayers help me to reflect that there is a preparation period at hand… and clarity that these prayers are linked to my destiny… In writing the prayers, I realized what gave me purpose, I realized what concerned me the most… concerns that were outside of myself… concerns that were linked to others. I came to realize that every little detail, experience in my life guided me to write these prayers… prayers that could only be answered by God’s grace. These prayers are not minimal to the least… these prayers can no human hand do… only He can. With this realization, prayer needs to become my top priority… to secure His provision not just over me but provision over the plans he has placed in my heart to heal others.
Not sure when this challenge will end… I guess when I don’t see it as a challenge but as a way of life…
This scripture is written in the middle of all my prayers:
For the Eternal watches over the righteous, and His ears are attuned to their prayers. He is always listening….When the upright need help and cry to the Eternal One, He hears their cries and rescues them from all of their troubles.
Psalm 34:15, 17