I left 2015 with a huge dose of uncertainty and a dash of expectancy, particularly in the career realm.  I had experienced this amazing high by choreographing a dance piece and received such great feedback that I had this adrenaline to keep at it.. yet, I am back where I started.  In the Special Ed Resource room tutoring students in math and reading.  I am not bitter… well, maybe a little.  Why give me an opportunity where my creative talents are utilized only to go back to sitting in a chair?  Opportunities to teach dance again are coming up, which is good, but there are only temporary gigs… nothing permanent quite yet…

During the holiday break, my dad asked if I was going to be more aggressive in seeking jobs in the dance education  scene… and I was hesitant to say yes because for the past four.. five years I have been VERY aggressive in seeking jobs.  Spent hours at Starbucks applying for jobs… museum jobs mainly, in the education department, of course, but none ever responded.  I take that back, The Museum of Fine Arts did, I was in the second round for some position, but didn’t get it.  Other than that, none of the jobs ever got in touch with me.  I guess I could steer towards applying to dance jobs, which I have I done a little bit of, but I feel like God has something else in the works… which is cool with me.  I mean with all the jobs that I had applied for in the past few years,  God has provided positions nowhere near to what I applied for.   So, to answer my dad’s question of being more aggressive.. well, what’s the point when God seems to have His own agenda in mind… and to be honest He has proved to know what’s best.

And the only reason I applied to museum jobs was because I would like to build a new museum… so I was thinking I needed to attain more museum experience to take strides toward this long term goal. Yet, God saw it that I needed to gain some insight in other areas before I embark on the museum world.  He always put in places where I received favor… there was connection to a place, a person, the dots were being connected… I just needed to trust and take part in the experience… observe, listen, learn, and  then be used to His liking.

2016 is proving to be the year to work towards this long term goal… maybe because things have slowed down a bit so my focus goes back to this long term goal. The past four years I have worked on it here and there.  I wrote a narrative that explains the origin and how I would like to use the space, a 3 year business plan, researched grants and possible donors… all while having job positions that did not require me to work long hours or take my work home with me but positions that had me in constant contact with children…which provided me the inspiration to stay focused on the project.  God was showing me who would benefit from this museum.  The creative child, the emotionally disturbed child, the orphan, the quiet child, the shy child, the overlooked child…

So, I have these big plans, right… have all this work on paper and done research, but have no idea on how to begin.  How do I build an institution? What do I do leading up to its fruition?  These questions come up every now and then…I do get a little frustrated but I am learning, through prayer and bible study that worry will not bring on peace or any type of revelation.  I am learning to stay calm and balanced… and I have quite a few activities that help me maintain this: the gym (my therapy sessions), family/ friend gatherings (long conversations with my sister), and of course, my prayer time, which has definitely been extended due to this predicament… also a new friend has made it not so bad.  He has become a bit of “breather” for me… and in a lot a ways a healer.  Although, he calls me his healer, it is definitely not one-sided.  I mean, it’s weird but I thought I was healed in certain areas within me, specifically in dealing with past hurts but in our conversations the band-aids are being ripped off , in a sense, allowing the wound to heal out in the open… no longer keeping it concealed….Maybe this healing needs to happen before I take on this huge project…

 

Eternal One:  If you will listen closely to My voice—the voice of your God—and do what is right in My eyes, pay attention to My instructions, and keep all of My laws; then I will not bring on you any of the plagues that I did on the Egyptians, for I am the Eternal, your Healer.