I have decided to hunker down and change my focus.  I need to come back to where I left.  My routine of gym, work, and sometimes gym again has been missing something.  I look forward to going to bed early so I can get up at 4 am and do my cardio, leg day, and/ or upper body routine.  I come home and get ready for the next day, preparing my lunch of clean food, gym and work picked out for the next day.  I am constantly preparing, moving… but still stagnant.

I do pray but it’s usually in the steam room, after my workout, within a small time so I have enough time to shower and head to work and get there at a certain time.  Or I sneak in prayer right before bed but I end up falling asleep.  I am not a total heathen, though. I listen to sermons every morning while working out.  TD Jakes, Steven Furtick, and John Gray are my go to’s. And on my way to my early morning workouts I am listening to KSBJ or Air One, to set the tone for the day… so I am in the mode of acknowledging God, but something is still missing.

Actually, one of TD Jakes sermons prompted me to write this entry: The Turning Point.  It was this past Sunday’s sermon.  I didn’t get to it Sunday, because I taught my gym class that morning, and spent most of the day grocery shopping and doing meal prep.  By the time I was done with everything I was ready to decompress and watch a Christmas movie, “Godmothered”.  It was a wholesome movie but not very spiritual. So I spent my Sunday focused on the gym and preparation for the following day.  Even on Sunday, I was caught up in my own business.

So there’s my dilemma.  I need to create an intimate time with Him.  I need to sit still and just pray.  I need to sit still and breathe.  I need to acknowledge His presence.

Now, I need to take action steps and create a solution.  First things first, decrease my time on social media. I know my weakness: Comparison.  I can spend hours on Instagram…hours and hours! I get caught up in seeing what others are doing, looking at what they have… and something within just gets a little down.  I get frustrated about my current situation and see what I don’t have and start to act a certain way.  I may take it out on my family or just have this feeling of… just a negative mindset.  I am not content with my current situation.  I have to admit sometimes that’s my reason for not praying, talking to God but I don’t want to talk about what I really want transpire… kind of like I’m in denial.  If I just avoid the whole conversation, then it won’t be a problem… but that doesn’t seem too healthy…

Next, I need to create a time every day, the same time every day in which I just sit in prayer, meditation.  I may have to do it at night time, 9:30 or 10 pm.  30 minutes. I should start tonight… I will start tonight.

 

And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

Luke 2:49 NKJV