A Blessing and a Curse


I am starting to realize a pattern… when something good is coming, the enemy will try to attack… in my case I get theses weird dreams.  Dreams that bring back people from the past that may have caused me hurt… fictional scenarios that try to scare me or get me weirded out.  In the past, I would wake up terrified… not wanting to go back to sleep…and I would not let the dream go… I would think about it throughout the day… causing fear to fill every nook of my mind.  I worried a lot because of the dreams I had and wondered why this was happening to me… I did everything right.  I went to school, got good grades, didn’t get in trouble with the law… I went to church (because I am a sinner)… I worked with children… I even got baptized again…why was I being attacked like this…

On the outside, I have a pretty good life.  I don’t have any traumatic stories that have left emotional scars… both of my parents are married.. I have an amazing family..two older brothers and a little sister… we encourage each other… even my parents encouraged my love for the Arts….My dad created my middle school schedule in which he added creative writing and journalism and my mom always rushed me and my sister to Broadway and dance shows…. along with dance lessons up until high school.  So all is well in my life… yet the spiritual realm took some time to settle down.  I have always had these dreams.. premonitions as long as I can remember.  Dreams not just about myself but about other people… mainly as a guide to help them along their way.  I have beautiful dreams in which seem surreal… an oasis… light… golden hues, huge, calming waves, big gold coins…. a white beach (this was actually in a recent dream I had.)  So with these amazing dreams pops in these dreams that just don’t belong.  I’ll take a nap… BOOM… a messed up dream! Now, in the past I would call a close friend or wake up and watch TV… but lately I have been so bold to stay in the dream and see where it goes… I am curious to see how far the enemy will try to drum up fear.  While in the dream I start to pinpoint lies… and even shake my head (smh) “Really?”  When I do chose to wake up, I pray and rebuke everything that came at me in that dream …. as to say, “Bring It.”

I am quite positive that my single-hood is causing me to face these attacks on my own… not clinging to someone to ease my fear but actually calling on God and no one else. Prayers in which I am speaking out loud and demanding God to come through and even confronting the enemy to leave… knowing he has no power in my life.  These strong prayers have constructed a firm spiritual foundation in Him.  Believe me I had never known about this… good vs. bad.  I have always believed in angels but demons lurking the Earth seemed a bit farfetched… but when I actually felt the heaviness at one point in my life I knew it was real.  The darkness seemed to follow me… people would open up to me and speak of their own worries, fears… the whole victim mentality became a constant theme to my ears.  I would be open to listening… I had no boundaries… I wanted to help but I soon realized that I had to deal with my own darkness before true light could penetrate through to heal.

This darkness I once had clouded His vision for my life.  I was left confused and anxious and not sure where this came from.  I came home to figure this all out.  I came home physically and spiritually.  This darkness was a generation curse that breathed upon me and it was never healed.  In coming home it was as if I was called to bring it to an end.  My dreams and visions led me to move back home, be with my family, and to pray fervently…to resurface and to clean up… a spiritual detox needed to take place.  In this process, clarity on its origin and signs of it coming undone have been revealed…along with shaping my character to receive the blessings graciously He has stored up for me when the work/ process is complete… when all is healed, so nothing will be damaged or undone.  All in His perfect form…all in His perfect timing.

Though I walk in the midst of dangers,
    you guard my life when my enemies rage.
You stretch out your hand;
    your right hand saves me.
 The Lord is with me to the end.
    Lord, your mercy endures forever.
    Never forsake the work of your hands!

Psalm 138:7-8










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